There are so many things we know we should talk to our kids about—but when the moment comes, we freeze. We’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, of making things worse, or of pushing our kids away.
And sometimes, because of all that fear… we say nothing at all.
In this post (and this episode of What I Want My Kids to Know), we’re talking about why tough conversations feel so hard—and how to start having them with more confidence, clarity, and care.
Why We Avoid Hard Conversations (And Why That Doesn’t Help)
Let’s start with the fears. Parents often avoid tough conversations because we’re thinking:
- “I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”
- “They’re too young to understand.”
- “I don’t want to scare them.”
These fears are valid. They usually come from a place of protection and love. But they can also keep us stuck.
Here’s the truth: our silence doesn’t protect our kids. It leaves them to fill in the blanks on their own—with guesses, Google searches, or misinformation from peers. What does protect them? Being a safe, steady presence they can turn to—even when the topic is uncomfortable.
And if you do say the wrong thing? That’s okay. It’s an opportunity to model repair. Say, “Actually, I want to rephrase that,” or, “Let me try that again.” You’re teaching your child that learning happens in real time.
3 Common Mistakes Parents Make—and What to Do Instead
Even when we decide to lean into a tough conversation, we often get tripped up by these common patterns:
1. Waiting for the “Perfect” Moment
You don’t need a quiet, distraction-free evening to bring up a sensitive subject. Some of the best conversations happen in small, everyday moments—while folding laundry, unloading the dishwasher, or driving to practice.
Instead of waiting for the stars to align, work with what you’ve got. Connection is built in the in-between.
2. Over-Explaining or Sharing Too Much
It’s tempting to give a full explanation, especially if you feel nervous. But kids need clarity, not complexity.
Start small. Offer a simple, truthful explanation. Then pause. Ask, “Does that make sense?” or “Do you want to know more about that?” Let their questions guide the depth of the conversation.
3. Avoiding the Topic Altogether
When we avoid a topic—whether it’s puberty, peer pressure, or a big world event—we risk sending the message that it’s unsafe or shameful to talk about. The very things we want them to bring to us… they’ll start keeping to themselves.
So even if it’s awkward or imperfect, show up. Let your child know, “I might not have all the answers, but I want to talk about this with you.”
Language That Builds Safety and Trust
The words we choose matter—especially in sensitive conversations. A few small shifts can make a big difference in how safe your child feels opening up.
Try swapping:
- “Because I said so.”
⬇️
“Here’s why this matters to me. What were you hoping I’d say?” - “You’re fine.”
⬇️
“That sounds hard. I’m glad you told me.” - [Silence or avoidance]
⬇️
“I’m not sure how to answer that yet, but I’ll come back to it soon.”
These responses invite openness. They affirm your child’s curiosity and show that emotional safety is a priority in your relationship.
How to Talk About Specific Tough Topics
Let’s walk through a few common “hard topics” and how you can approach each one in age-appropriate ways.
💬 Talking About Death or Loss
- Use simple, concrete language: “Grandpa died. That means his body stopped working and he won’t be coming back.”
- Let your child ask questions over time—grief is a process.
- Model remembrance and talk about your own feelings. Let them see that it’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even angry.
💬 Bringing Up a Concern From Your Perspective
- Lead with what you’ve noticed, not with blame.
“I’ve noticed you’ve seemed more frustrated lately. Can we talk about it?” - Reaffirm their worth. “Everyone makes mistakes. I still believe in you, and I’m here to help.”
- Reflect on values and common ground. “In our family, we really value honesty. That’s why I wanted to talk about this.”
💬 Talking About Body Changes
- Use accurate language (not just “private parts”) to normalize their bodies.
- Talk about hygiene, emotional changes, and how to take care of themselves.
- Share age-appropriate resources and revisit the topic often. “Here’s a book I really like on this. Take a look, and we’ll talk again in a few days.”
How to Normalize Openness in Everyday Life
Tough conversations are easier when your family culture supports openness all the time—not just in crisis.
Here are a few ways to build that:
- Narrate your own day: Share the highs and lows so your kids feel invited to do the same.
- Say “I don’t know” often: And follow it up with, “Let’s look it up together.”
- Celebrate questions: Respond with, “That’s a really interesting question,” even if you don’t have an answer yet.
- Reinforce openness: When your child comes to you, thank them. “Thanks for bringing that up. I hope you always feel like you can come to me.”
Connection doesn’t require hours of free time. It just requires presence and intentionality in small moments.
Try These Conversation Starters
Want to open the door to meaningful conversations today? Try one of these:
- 💬 “Is there anything you’ve heard lately that didn’t sit right with you?”
- 💬 “Has anyone ever said something that made you uncomfortable?”
- 💬 “Have you ever had a question but weren’t sure how to ask it?”
These aren’t just icebreakers. They’re invitations.
And if you try one, I’d love to hear how it goes. Email me at hello@whatiwantmykidstoknow.com to share your story—you might even be featured in a future episode.
Listen to the Full Episode
🎧 Episode 3: Tough Topics, Honest Talk
Now streaming on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
📥 Grab your free guide: 5 Ways to Create Time for Connection With Your Kids
📸 Follow along on Instagram: @whatiwantmykidstoknow_pod
You don’t have to get it perfect.
You just have to keep showing up. 💛
You’ve got this.
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